stop calling my apartment porn island.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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