I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
