I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
