I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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