why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
