be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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