I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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