Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
