i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
