I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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