Apparently you make a good broom.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
