i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pole danced in your parka.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
