Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
