so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
