I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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