i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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