Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
