yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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