I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
