i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
