watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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