pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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