my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
