Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize