with your own penis?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
