I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
