I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
