the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
