So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize