Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
