he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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