I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
