your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
