I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
