maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
