Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Welp...herpes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am naked and annoyed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize