You can't special order awesome
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I look better un-naked...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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