dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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