if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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