That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
