i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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