a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
