Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
