You're so nebulous sometimes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
