Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
