You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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