New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
