Yo dont text me then not text me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
this is an emotional support booty call
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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