i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My penis needs a shock collar
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize