ya dads aren't the best wingmen
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I could fuck to npr.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
