I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
