I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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