I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
