I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
