just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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