no, he came in my armpit
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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