You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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