kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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