Who did Billy Mays play for?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
