Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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