i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
