where am i from again
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
