He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My ATM looks so different sober.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
