Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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