There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize