i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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