i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
