i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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