Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
