Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
