nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
