I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize