Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
