Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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