no, he came in my armpit
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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