If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
