I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
