Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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