It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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