Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
