I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
